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🏛️ Theory
Now that is the first thing Socrates was known for – never turning dialogue into dispute, never introducing rudeness or invective, although he would put up with the insults of others in order to avoid a fight.
Some say that strength is shown by courtesy.
For instance, there’s the saying that “rudeness is a sign of weakness.”
It’s an interesting thought.
Often, it is true. But not always.
I think of a case involving a political advisor—he would show up later and later to his meetings with the president to ensure he had time alone with him, when other advisors had to rush off to their next engagements. That was rude. But it was strategically advantageous. It gave him influence over policy.
Unfortunately, sometimes acting without courtesy can get you what you want. The quip that rudeness is a sign of weakness is almost too good to be true. It would be nice if the rude didn’t get ahead, but sometimes they do.
Anyway, sometimes there are more important things in life than politeness. It may be rude to bring up hard or uncomfortable topics, but sometimes it’s necessary. The Greeks had a term for this parrhesia – meaning direct, bold, and free speech.
So, it does seem like rudeness can be a sign of strategic or even moral strength.
But I think what the quote gets right – and why it resonates with so many people – is that the strength that matters is excellence. It’s not physical or social strength that ultimately matters. It’s the person who uses their strength for good and doesn’t mask personal failure with outward success that we truly admire.
It also challenges us – can we do the right thing in the right way? Even if we must touch on difficult topics, have difficult conversations, and manage conflict, are we doing our best to ensure they go as well as possible?
The ancients encouraged us to do our best: do the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, and as much as we can. This means never stooping to the lowest levels of disrespect and always acting with as much civility as we can. It's difficult. However, it's better than using rudeness to win competitions that lead to unhappiness.
🎯 Action
Bring to mind what civility looks like to you and how you can realize it in your life.
đź”— Links
🎧️ An interesting conversation with Alexandra Hudson who argues that politeness is overrated:
📰 Another challenge we face: other people’s rudeness. Here’s how the Stoics advised handling that.
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